How long

Did you date your S/O spouse before you knew they were the one and got married or moved in together?

I ask because my mom called me last night to tell me that my Sister is getting married June 24th to a guy she's only known for 3 MAYBE 4 weeks. Not to mention that after TWO weeks of "dating" he took a job offer to a town 13 hours away. So the other half of their "dating" has been long distance.
Now I'm not one that doesn't believe in love at first sight. I get that when you know, you know but she jumps into relationships and this will be her 3rd marriage and she's 32. I dunno....part of me wants to be so happy for her that she finally found "the guy" but part of me just screams this is so wrong!!!

She is going down there this weekend to house hunt.......I guess I'm just concerned because my two nieces are 8 and 6 and he also has 2 sons that are 4 and 2 and blending families is so HARD...I know!!! so my gut is saying they are rushing into this. But my Mom seems to be supporting her saying they have talked about all that already. It's one thing to TALK about how it won't be flawless, etc than it is to LIVE it and experience it and work through it.

Now, I'm more of a cautious player and my sister is so polar opposite so I may be skewed on the whole thing. I dated my ex-husband for 6 years and lived with him for 3 years before we got married. Sad thing that marriage only lasted 6 months but I think I knew it wasn't right for a while I was just too young to know.

And Tom and I were married pretty quick after dating but we knew each other already from work so I don't really count that....so what are your experiences?

Wow thats a tough one Renee. I've known both sides of the spectrum. I've seen some whirlwind marriages that have lasted more than 25 years. It's so hard to say.

I for one though, believe in getting to know someone before you make a commitment like marriage. But that's just my personal opinion. I think it takes a long time of going through different situations, good and bad, to see who the real person is. When it's new, everything is just skewed because you only see the good. My husband and I were together for 5 years before we got married (although I married my teen sweetheart, we met we I was 15, so I really didn't have a choice!). My daughter and her husband were together for 3 years before they got married, which was just this past December. They knew within 6 months that they were going to get married, but chose to have a long engagement. And I think that worked great for them.

I would just want to really know who I was marrying, especially when there are kids involved and you're blending families.

I hope for the best for your sister.

Thanks Sheri! And I'm with you that you should know the other person and see how they are in tough situations, how they fight, etc. I mean after 4 weeks you're still on best behavior mode. The good bad and ugly has't had time to show up yet.

And congrats on your dd's wedding!

I agree with knowing the person for a while, but then my parents only knew eachother for 3 months and they got married and they've been together over 40 years.
That whirlwind stuff isn't for me, but maybe it will work for them

I'm the wrong one to ask since I've known my DH since I was seven. lol

Way too soon in my opinion (esp. since there are children involved!) Good luck to them.

Oh Sherry that is so cute and Kristi that is so neat. Makes me feel better b/c brian and i knew each other 3 mos and i got preggo. Not the most responsible thing. We hit our speed bump this past year but got through it. We got married within a year of knowing each other. I honestly believe that if we would have waited, I would have chickened out. I go to weddings til this day and think, there is now way I could have done that, LOL!!!

Renee..she is has been married twice already? I don't know ... if past performance predicts future performance that it ain't lookin' to good, LOL!

jk maybe she knows, ya know? what if this is one that lasts & she doesn't jump on it and he moves 13 hours away? Maybe that is where her head's at right now. Maybe they don't want to live together and not be married with having small kids?

I hope it works out, I will say some prayers for guidance for her. I would be nervous if my sister was in the same boat, too. Good thing she was the responsible one out of the two of us

Oh I loved reading every ones point of view !

Well my parents only knew each other a week and were happily married until
my father passed away. My mother re-married a man she had only dated for
three months and is beyond happily married. Now we were all fully grown when
she re-married.

Now I dated Damien 2 years including our engagement.

I think I agree with Sheri... what would scare me if she was my sister is that
she has 2 kids and how good can you REALLY know someone in that length of time.

If she was single I think it would be a bit different.

I think socially things have changed and women made marriages work.
When the tough got going they simply became tougher. It's so easy to
walk away today.

Ellen - 3 months may be short but I think it's not too short. I guess I'm just freaking out we are talking WEEKS on this one. LOL I hope this guy is "the" guy. I really do. But like you said past performances, kids in the mix....I just pray it works. 13 hours is a long way to move away for a guy you hardly know and moving away from the only family support she has. Makes me nervous for my nieces and for her.

And Norma - you hit it on the head for me right there with if she was single I wouldn't think twice about her jumping into this. it's just such a different dynamic when you have kids involved and moving them 13 hours away from their dad and grandma and great grandma and all the family and friends..........

Not to mention you are so right that nowadays it's just so easy to walk away because people think they find true love at every corner or corner bar...instead of working through things.

But I have to trust she knows it's right and support her. I'm just so opposite it's hard for me to grasp! bwahahahahaha

My parents married young and had me young (my Mom was 19) and they were separated by the time I was 6, so I was OVERLY cautious lol. DH and I dated for over a year, then lived together. We were definitely in a committed monogamous relationship but saw no need to actually get married until we decided we wanted to have kids which was 6 years later. I would be concerned about the kids too. It can be so disruptive for their lives. But hopefully she has learned from past mistakes. Is there a reason why she feels like they need to be married rather than just live together?